We are afraid of the past, the present and the future. Of what we know and what we do not know, of routine and change, of pain and happiness. Even when things are going well, we expect something bad to happen. Fear of failure, criticism, rejection and loneliness shapes our decisions, but there is something deeper: the fear of not being enough. A good enough mother, friend or partner, or smart enough. We spend our lives trying to prove that we deserve what we have and avoiding situations that might put it into question. Fear protects us from real dangers, but it also traps us in an increasingly small life. Sometimes, we stop doing things not because we cannot do them, but because we cannot bear the possibility of doing them badly.

The best antidote to fear is competence. Learning to do the things we are not good at, accepting that at first we will perform worse than we would like, and trusting that practice will help us improve. We can also change the way we interpret what we feel. When facing a situation that frightens us, telling ourselves “I am excited” instead of “I am afraid” can help us approach it from a different perspective. And when nothing else works, there is one option left: stop running away. Fear is used to us backing down. If we stay and move through the discomfort, we discover that we can withstand it. It may not disappear the first time, but it loses some of its power. The next time becomes easier. We do not need to stop feeling afraid to move forward. We need to stop letting fear make our decisions.